HOPE AFTER HURT

Hurting Deeply. Healing Loudly. Rising Stronger.

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  • Building a Bright Life After a Dark Storm

    My early postnatal period has been just as beautiful as it has been triggering.

    For the first time, I feel like I truly got my newborn bubble. No postnatal depression and only a tiny bit of anxiety—which I’m sure is normal for most mums. Being medicated this time around has definitely helped.

    Our little boy is perfect. He’s a great feeder, a great sleeper, and honestly just an angel. Big brother is absolutely obsessed with him, and we are thriving as a family of four. My husband and I are working as a team, tackling the hard moments together.

    But that doesn’t mean my mind hasn’t had some dark moments.

    One of the hardest parts of motherhood and breastfeeding is the amount of time you spend alone with your thoughts. Especially during those long night feeds. You can be lying in a bed surrounded by the people you love most—your husband, your toddler, your newborn—and still feel incredibly isolated.

    It’s during those quiet hours of the night that I tend to struggle the most.

    The dark thoughts creep in. The memories come flooding back. My mind starts playing tricks on me. I find myself wondering how my husband could have betrayed me in such a painful way while I was caring for his newborn baby. The hurt runs so deep, and although I wholeheartedly believe we can move forward from this, part of my heart will always carry the scars. Healing doesn’t erase what happened. It simply teaches you how to carry it.

    I’ve found myself slipping back into old habits. Wanting to check his phone. Checking his location. Looking for reassurance in places where reassurance can never truly be found.

    The truth is, there’s really no point checking his phone. Even if he were cheating again, he wouldn’t leave evidence lying around this time. People often tell me how sad that statement is. Maybe it is. But I’ve realised that I can’t build my life around “what ifs.” I have to live in the reality that’s in front of me. I have to choose happiness in the present moment and trust myself to cope if life ever falls apart again.

    I don’t believe he will cheat again. But I also don’t think I’ll ever trust the way I once did. There will probably always be a small part of me that thinks, “Maybe.” But I’d rather take that risk and build a happy, fulfilling life with the father of my children than spend my life running from the possibility of being hurt. The truth is, I would likely carry these trust issues into any future relationship anyway.

    I hate the part of him that did this to me. But I still love him. And I love the man he has worked hard to become over the last year.

    A lot of mums talk about postpartum rage—the anger that can come with exhaustion, hormones, and the huge adjustment of welcoming a new baby. I’ve experienced less of it this time around, but I’ve noticed something interesting. The anger isn’t directed at my husband anymore. It’s directed at his affair partner. The complete disrespect of knowingly doing that to another woman—particularly a mother during one of the most vulnerable periods of her life—is something I still struggle to comprehend.

    It makes my blood boil.

    Maybe that’s because it’s so far removed from who I am as a person. People always say, “Never say never,” but after living through this experience, I can say with confidence that I could never knowingly participate in causing this kind of pain to another woman. Especially another mother.

    Despite the triggers, this postpartum experience has been incredible.

    I feel overwhelmingly grateful. Grateful for my two beautiful boys. Grateful for the family we’ve built. Grateful for the strength we’ve found in the middle of something that could have destroyed us. Every day, I fall a little more in love with my husband as I watch him show up for our family. As I watch him be present. As I watch him become the father our boys deserve.

    I never imagined something so beautiful could grow from something so painful. But somehow, we’ve built a bright life from a very dark storm.

  • From Betrayal to Birth

    He’s here.

    Our little boy was born almost two months ago, and he is the perfect addition to our family.

    I wish I could say that the pregnancy, birth, and early postpartum period were without challenges or triggers, but they weren’t.

    The end of pregnancy became really hard for me, both physically and mentally. My first pregnancy was a dream, and although this pregnancy was also straightforward medically, it was much more difficult physically. I struggled with issues in my hips and pelvis, along with the worst coccyx pain. I had an incredible alternative medicine team who provided relief, but I still experienced flare-ups.

    Mentally, I was declining. In many ways, I was mentally stronger than I had ever been, but the closer I got to giving birth, the more I felt myself slipping, and that scared me. I was aiming for a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean), and I knew that in order to achieve it, I needed to be mentally strong. Labour and birth are such a mental game. Pain has never really been the issue for me—I have always coped well with labour pain—but I knew my mind needed to be strong, and I was struggling.

    I was becoming triggered by the smallest things: my husband going to the gym, not answering his phone, or not wanting to take time off work to come to appointments. I knew we were stronger than ever. I knew he wasn’t having an affair. But my brain couldn’t stop revisiting the past.

    Towards the end of my previous pregnancy was when he was talking to another woman and finding comfort in someone else. As my due date approached, I found myself constantly calling him, needing reassurance, and wanting to be with him. I was no longer content spending time by myself or even just with my son.

    Eventually, my husband finished work two weeks before the birth because I simply wasn’t coping. Having him with me and soaking up those final weeks as a family of three brought me so much comfort. He never complained. He simply took care of me and supported me through it.

    To the average family, this probably sounds strange, but one of the biggest sources of reassurance for me over the past year has been my husband wanting to spend time together as a family. I know that sounds like such a normal thing, but during our son’s first year of life, it wasn’t something we did often. My husband was distant, and even when we spent time together, it rarely felt like quality time.

    People often say that in order to rebuild your relationship, you need to focus on the two of you—going on dates, being intimate, and spending time alone together. While that may be true to an extent, healing for us wasn’t just about the two of us. It was about our family.

    Investing time and effort into family life healed me, and in turn, it healed us. It brought us closer together and made us a stronger unit.

    Once labour started, I felt myself calm down. It showed throughout my labour and birth experience. I truly believe everything I had endured over the previous year helped me get through it.

    I kept repeating to myself, “If I can survive the last year, I can survive anything.”

    With every contraction, I recited, “I can do hard things,” and for the first time in a long time, I truly believed it.

    During my first labour and birth, my husband was pretty useless—sorry, hubby, but it’s true. He didn’t really know how to help, and I didn’t know how to tell him what I needed. I wanted to do everything myself.

    This time was completely different.

    I asked my mum to be there as well, partly because I knew I might need the extra support and partly because I wanted her to witness the birth of her grandchild. My husband was by my side the entire time. I had a mostly unmedicated labour, with more than twelve hours of active labour, and he supported me through every minute of it, squeezing my hips through every contraction to help manage the pain.

    I did think about her during labour, which I really didn’t want to do, but strangely, it helped. Whenever she entered my mind, it made me more determined. More determined to push through the pain. More determined to prove to myself that I could do hard things.

    There is something about overcoming difficult situations that makes me feel as though I’ve reclaimed a part of myself. Not because life is a competition, and not because “winning” is what matters, but because choosing to keep going when things hurt feels like a victory of its own.

    The truth is, no one wins when an affair is involved. There are no trophies, no perfect endings, and no way to undo the hurt that was caused. But what I have learned is that healing is possible. Trust can be rebuilt. Families can be restored. Not because the past changes, but because the people involved choose, day after day, to keep showing up. As I hold our newest little boy and watch our family of four settle into this new chapter, I don’t feel like I’ve won. I feel grateful. Grateful that I stayed. Grateful that he stayed. Grateful that we did the work. And grateful that after so much hurt, we’ve found hope again.

    Sarah xx

  • 2025: The Year I Rebuilt Myself

    As I look back on 2025, I’m struck by how much can change in a year — and how much can heal. This year didn’t begin with certainty or calm; it began with a quiet determination to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I didn’t have a clear map, only the deep knowing that I couldn’t stay where I was. And now, standing at the end of this year, I can honestly say: I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

    2025 became the year I slowly rebuilt parts of myself I once believed were permanently broken. I learned that healing isn’t a straight line — it’s a thousand small choices made on days you feel strong and on days you absolutely don’t.

    There were moments that shaped me in ways I never expected. Family memories that grounded me. Conversations that reopened trust. Quiet wins that no one else saw but meant everything. And of course, one of the most beautiful surprises of the year — growing our family again, something that once felt impossible after everything we’d been through.

    But this year wasn’t easy. Healing rarely is. There were setbacks, triggers, doubts, and days where I felt like I was walking backwards. Yet each time, I found my way back to myself a little quicker. That counts as growth too.

    This year taught me that:
    • I am stronger than the hardest thing I’ve lived through.
    • I can hold both grief and joy without breaking.
    • I’m allowed to protect my peace, even when it disappoints others.
    • Healing doesn’t require perfection — only willingness.

    If I had to choose one word for 2025, it would be reclaiming: my voice, my confidence, my safety, my hope.

    If you had told me at the end of 2024 everything that was coming for me in 2025, I would’ve called it quits. There’s no way I would have believed I could handle it all. But that’s the thing about life — you don’t truly know your strength until you’re in the moment, doing what you once thought you couldn’t. We often underestimate our mental resilience, yet the universe has a way of showing us just how capable we really are.

    People usually think of strength in terms of physical fitness — something you can see or measure. But strength looks different for everyone. For me, this year revealed my mental strength. I wouldn’t call myself physically strong — you won’t catch me deadlifting 150kg — but mentally, I now feel like I can take on whatever comes my way.

    It’s been almost one year since discovering my husband’s affair — one year since my heart shattered, my world collapsed, and the new version of me began to take shape. I wouldn’t wish an affair on my worst enemy… not even on the woman who knowingly caused this pain. But strangely, I do believe it was meant to happen. I know that sounds crazy — maybe it is — but it forced changes in my relationship, my life, and our family dynamic. It unearthed a strength within me I didn’t know existed.

    2025 taught me to live truly in the present — to understand that everything can change in an instant and we can’t put our happiness on hold. There’s no point waiting, no point stressing about the future. The time to live is now, because you never know what’s around the corner.

    This year, I went from discovering my husband’s affair, hitting rock bottom mentally, and slowly piecing myself back together… to finding out I was pregnant, and then losing two of my grandparents within three months. I’ve cried, laughed, grieved, and grown. I’ve continued progressing in my career, raising a beautiful, kind, wild 2-year-old boy, and focusing on my relationship and our family. I’ve learned to hold boundaries, take time for myself, and be true to who I am. My husband has grown too — into an incredible dad and family man, putting us first while still working toward his own goals.

    Do I still get triggered? Yes.
    Do I still have a lot of growing to do? Absolutely.
    But am I proud of how far I’ve come?
    FUCK YES.

    And as I step into 2026, I’m carrying the softness, the boundaries, the lessons, and the quiet belief that even after being hurt, there is still so much life left to live — and so much love left to give.

    To anyone reading this who is somewhere in the middle of their own rebuilding: be gentle with yourself. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. And you’re further along than you think.

    Here’s to another year of becoming.

    Sarah xx

  • Life Update

    Hey everyone,

    I’m sorry I’ve been so MIA these last few months — life has been a lot, in the best and hardest ways, and I finally feel ready to sit down and catch you all up.

    Let’s start with the good news… SURPRISE! We’re having another baby.
    This little one was a shock to us, but a very welcomed one. Another child was always something we envisioned for our family. Even after the betrayal, it was a topic we approached carefully and honestly, and we both agreed that expanding our family still felt right for us. My husband has grown so much over the past year, and watching him step up as a father in such meaningful ways has been healing for both of us. We’re excited for this next chapter and can’t wait to meet our new addition.

    With this beautiful news has also come a lot of emotional work for me.
    Pregnancy has been a major trigger in my healing journey. It was during my last pregnancy that my husband’s mental health declined and things began to change, so stepping into pregnancy again has brought some of those memories back to the surface. I’ve really had to ground myself in the present and remind myself that this is a different chapter, with a very different version of him — and of me.

    There have been moments where I’ve needed reassurance, and that’s okay. Sometimes he struggles with it because he feels like I’m “bringing it all back up” or “throwing it in his face,” which I’m not. I’ve explained to him that choosing to stay doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened — it means working together. Seeking reassurance isn’t about punishment; it’s about support. And healing sometimes requires exactly that.

    Around the same time we found out I was pregnant, both of my grandparents became unwell and ended up in the hospital. My Granddad was diagnosed with a nasty cancer, and my Grandmother contracted Influenza A. They spent two months in and out of hospital, and during that time I stepped into the role of supporting my Grandmother.

    Sadly, my Grandmother passed away, and the grief has been immeasurable.
    It’s been such a strange, heavy season — grieving someone I was incredibly close to while also growing a new life. It has been two months since her passing, and I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but it hasn’t. I think about her every day and dream about her almost every night. I know grief has no timeline, and I’m just trying to give myself grace as I move through it.

    I’m trusting that the universe only gives me what I can handle. And so far, 2025 has tested that theory — but it has also taught me so much about resilience, love, and choosing hope even when it feels heavy. I’m still here, stronger than ever, and doing my best to take life one moment at a time.

    I hope everyone has been doing okay, and that you’re continuing to rise beyond the betrayal,
    Sarah xx

  • Healing Isn’t Linear: Why Setbacks Don’t Mean You’re Failing

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned since my world turned upside down, it’s that healing doesn’t follow a straight line. I think so many of us expect that once we decide to heal, things should keep getting better, day by day, like climbing a staircase. But the truth? Healing is messy. It’s more like waves that carry you forward, then pull you back, over and over again.

    There are days I feel strong and hopeful. I can look at how far I’ve come and feel proud of myself. And then out of nowhere, a wave crashes and drags me under again. In those moments, it feels like I’m right back at square one. But I’ve come to understand that setbacks don’t mean failure. They mean I’m human, and they’re part of the process.

    Society loves to give us timelines for grief and healing. “You’ll feel better in six months.” “It just takes time.” The problem is, healing after betrayal doesn’t follow a clock. Some days, it feels like I’ve “moved on,” only for something small to remind me of the pain, and suddenly it’s fresh again.

    A setback doesn’t erase the progress I’ve made. It just means there are still layers my heart is working through.

    What’s caught me off guard most are the triggers. Sometimes they’re obvious, but other times they completely surprise me.

    • Anniversaries – Dates hold so much weight. “One year ago today” memories pop up, and it’s like a punch in the stomach. Suddenly I’m questioning everything that happened back then and whether it was all a lie.
    • Places – For me, the gym became a huge trigger. What used to feel like a safe space for my husband to have his self care turned into a painful reminder. In particular, when my husband would talk about feeling unhappy with his weight or progress. I wasn’t expecting something so normal to shake me so deeply, but it did. These were just small comments that he started making prior to the affair and although it likely had nothing to do with why he did what he did, it’s such a huge trigger for me. 
    • Random conversations – A simple comment can sting more than I ever imagined. And once the spiral starts, it can be hard to pull myself out.

    What I’ve learned is that triggers don’t mean I’m weak or failing. They’re simply signals that my body and mind are still processing what happened.

    I used to tell myself, “I’m back at square one.” But I’ve realised that isn’t true. The version of me today isn’t the same as the version of me who first discovered the betrayal. I’ve grown. I’ve learned tools. Even when a trigger pulls me down, I don’t stay there as long as I once did.

    Each setback is a chance to practise what I’ve learned — to breathe through the storm, to remind myself of the progress I’ve made, and to choose not to give up on myself.

    One of the most freeing lessons has been giving myself permission to just sit in the sadness sometimes. To cry, to curl up, to indulge in the heaviness of the day. Because pretending I’m fine only makes it worse.

    What matters is remembering that tomorrow is a new day. A setback day doesn’t erase the days I’ve been strong. It’s just one piece of a bigger picture. The important part is to keep trying to move forward, even if it’s slow.

    Healing isn’t about never feeling pain again. It’s about learning to carry it differently. The setbacks will come, but they don’t define me — they refine me.

    If you’re in a season of setbacks, please remember: you are not failing. You are healing, even when it feels messy, even when it feels unfair, even when you have to start again tomorrow.

    Progress isn’t always visible, but it’s there. And so is hope.

    Lets rise together,
    Sarah xx

  • When You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Mind: Gaslighting, Intuition, and the Truth We Know Deep Down

    I wish I knew I wasn’t crazy.

    When I first started suspecting something was wrong, I was in the thick of postnatal depression. I was sleep-deprived, emotionally raw, and navigating the complete upheaval that comes with caring for a newborn. I didn’t trust my body, let alone my mind. So when those quiet thoughts crept in — something’s not right… he’s not the same… could he be seeing someone else? — I silenced them.

    Because how could I trust myself when I could barely get through the day?

    What I now know, looking back, is that my instincts weren’t broken. They were trying to protect me. But I was living inside a storm of emotional manipulation that made it nearly impossible to hear my own voice.

    Every time I asked the hard questions, I was met with defensiveness.

    “You’re crazy.”
    “Are you cheating on me?”
    “Who are you sleeping with?”

    I started to believe him. I started to believe I was imagining things. That maybe I was broken. That maybe my anxiety was twisting reality. But it wasn’t.

    The truth is, gaslighting is real — and it’s one of the most common forms of emotional manipulation women face, especially when we begin to sense betrayal. It doesn’t always look like yelling or controlling behaviour. Sometimes it’s quiet, subtle, disguised as concern or denial. But it chips away at your reality, little by little, until you don’t know what’s real anymore.

    Looking back now, the signs were there:

    • His sharp defensiveness every time I asked a question.
    • The way the conversation always flipped back onto me.
    • The accusations that I must be the one cheating.
    • The way I constantly walked away feeling like I had done something wrong.

    But I was exhausted. I was running on empty. And when you’re just trying to survive motherhood, confrontation feels like one battle too many. So I stayed quiet. I swallowed my gut feelings. I tried to be the “understanding wife.”

    And yet, my instincts wouldn’t go away.

    I questioned him again and again over the space of almost a year. And every time, I was told I was crazy. Every time, I was made to feel guilty for even asking. And eventually, I started to believe that narrative — that I was unstable, hormonal, irrational. That the problem was me.

    Until the day someone else told me the truth.

    I still remember the moment I found out. It wasn’t him who confessed — it was someone who had found out and felt I deserved to know. And when the words were spoken, I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream. I didn’t fall to the floor like the movies show you.

    I felt relief.

    Relief that I wasn’t crazy.
    Relief that my instincts had been right.
    Relief that I could finally stop doubting myself.

    It was the most heartbreaking validation I’ve ever felt.

    Since then, I’ve made myself one promise: I will never again doubt my intuition.

    It’s not always loud. It doesn’t always come with flashing lights. But it knows. And when someone is working hard to make you question your own reality, it’s even more important to get quiet and listen.

    To any woman reading this — if your gut is telling you something is wrong, listen. You’re not crazy. You’re not overthinking. You’re not too sensitive. You’re picking up on things that someone else is working hard to hide.

    You deserve honesty. You deserve peace. And you deserve to trust yourself.

    Even in the darkest moments — especially in them — your intuition is not your enemy. It’s your guide.

    Let’s rise together,
    Sarah xx

  • Staying After Infidelity Isn’t Weak

    When someone finds out their partner has been unfaithful, the world often expects one reaction: Leave. Walk away. Be strong. Start over.

    But here’s the truth no one talks about enough: choosing to stay can be just as strong — if not stronger.

    Staying after betrayal isn’t about weakness, denial, or self-sacrifice. It’s about facing something that shattered your world and choosing, day by day, to see if it can be rebuilt. It’s waking up in the middle of the night with a broken heart and still choosing to stay. Not because it’s easy — but because healing, forgiveness, and love are worth exploring.

    It takes immense courage to sit with pain, to look it in the eye, and to say, “This doesn’t get to define me — or us.”

    The idea that staying after infidelity is “weak” is deeply unfair and overlooks the complexities of relationships and healing. It would have been easier to walk away, to leave all the pain behind, and start over with a clean slate. But I didn’t stay because it didn’t hurt. I didn’t stay because I forgot what happened. I didn’t stay because I forgave what happened. And I definitely didn’t stay because I’m weak.

    I stayed because I couldn’t watch 13 years go down the drain without a fight.
    I knew there was something here worth fighting for — even if it’s hard, even if it hurts, even if no one else understands.

    This kind of strength isn’t graceful or pretty.
    It’s not tied up with a neat little bow.
    It’s messy, real, painful — but deeply human.

    Staying doesn’t mean I’m naive or blind. I know my worth. I know I deserved better. I’m not scared of being alone. I stayed not because I’m afraid to lose someone — but because I believe in redemption. I believe people can change for the better. I believe in breaking cycles, in doing the work, in not letting generational hurt dictate the rest of my life.

    For some women, staying is the start of a deeper healing journey — one that’s complicated, raw, and deeply personal. It might mean putting boundaries in place, starting therapy, rebuilding trust one brick at a time, or even walking alongside a partner who is also committed to doing the work. And sometimes, staying isn’t forever — it’s a season of working it out before deciding what comes next.

    Staying doesn’t mean I’m constantly okay. I still hurt. I still question. I still cry. I’m still trying to rebuild something I didn’t break in the first place. But here’s the thing — in the middle of all that, I’ve also been rebuilding myself. I’ve learned how to stand in my worth. I’ve found my voice again. I’ve become someone I’m proud of.

    This experience — as devastating as it’s been — became a wake-up call.
    A reminder that no matter how hard you try to prevent it, sometimes shit things happen to good people.

    And when that happens, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to survive.

    Whether you stay, leave, or are still figuring it all out — know this:
    You are not weak.
    You are not broken.
    You are rising — on your own terms.

    Lets rise together,
    Sarah xx

  • Who Am I Now? Rebuilding My Identity After Betrayal

    When the truth came out, my world didn’t just shatter — I did.

    In the days and weeks after discovering the betrayal, I kept finding myself staring into mirrors, scrolling through old photos, or just sitting in silence asking one question I couldn’t answer:
    Who even am I anymore?

    For 13 years, I was someone’s wife. I was the dependable partner. The planner. The forgiver. The fixer. Then I became a mother, which only deepened that role — giving more, sacrificing more, becoming more of what everyone else needed.

    And somewhere along the way, I forgot about me.

    The Identity Crisis No One Warns You About:

    Infidelity doesn’t just break your heart. It fractures your sense of self.
    You question everything — not just them, but you.

    Was I not enough?
    Did I miss something?
    Have I changed too much?
    Did motherhood make me invisible?

    It’s an internal war — grieving the relationship, protecting your child, and trying to piece yourself back together with shaky hands.

    Finding Myself Again (And Creating Someone New)

    Rebuilding my identity hasn’t been about “going back to who I was.”
    Truthfully, I’m not sure I want to be her again.

    The version of me I’m creating now… she’s stronger.
    She has boundaries. She knows what her body is telling her when something feels off.
    She’s learning to love herself again — slowly, fiercely, awkwardly at times — but she’s doing it.

    What’s Helped Me So Far

    • Journaling the raw, unfiltered thoughts I was too ashamed to say out loud.
    • Wearing what makes me feel good, not what I think I should wear.
    • Spending time alone — not lonely, but intentionally alone — to hear myself.
    • Therapy, which has helped me separate my worth from someone else’s betrayal.
    • Letting go of the pressure to “bounce back.” I’m not bouncing, I’m rising — and that takes time.

    To the Woman Reading This

    If you’re asking yourself, “Who am I now?” — know that it’s okay not to know.

    Maybe you’re not her yet.
    Maybe you’re still hurting, still numb, still unsure.

    But I promise, underneath all the pain, there’s a woman waiting to be reintroduced to herself — and she is more powerful, more radiant, and more real than ever before.

    You are not lost.
    You are becoming.

    Lets rise together,
    Sarah xx

  • 5 Things That Helped Me in the Early Days After Infidelity

    Firstly, if you’re here reading this because you’ve found yourself in a situation similar to mine — I’m so sorry. Infidelity is gut-wrenching. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. If you’re in the thick of it, please know you’re not alone.

    I created Hope After Hurt to help other women navigate life after betrayal — to share what helped me survive, and eventually start to heal. There are many things that can support you on this journey, and I’ll be exploring them more deeply in upcoming posts. But today, I want to share the five things that helped me most in those early, painful days.

    1. Counselling — Together and Alone

    The number one thing that helped both me and my husband in the initial stages after I found out about the affair was couples counselling. I know how fortunate we are to have had access to it — especially in today’s economic climate. It’s not cheap, and the cost can be a barrier for many. But if you’re considering it, I really encourage you to shop around. In my experience, session prices ranged anywhere from $90 to $500 depending on the provider, and there are more affordable options out there.

    Individual counselling has also been incredibly beneficial for me. It gave me a safe space to vent, reflect, and learn tools to support my mental health. People often say things like, “You’re so strong,” or “You handled that so well.” And while I appreciate those words, the truth is — my mental health took a massive hit. I was shattered. I felt shattered. Therapy helped pull me out of those dark places. It reminded me of my worth and gave me strategies to start rebuilding who I was.

    2. Journalling (In a Way That Worked for Me)

    I’ve had a bit of a love/hate relationship with journalling over the years. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it overwhelms me. During this time, I threw out the rules and did it my way — no prompts, no pressure. Just a place to unload the chaos in my mind.

    It helped me process intrusive thoughts and also made communication with my husband clearer. I’m the type of person who, if I don’t say something right away, I’ll forget — and then bring it up at the worst moment. Journalling helped me figure out whether something was worth raising or if it was something I could work through on my own. It became a quiet space to organise the emotional mess.

    3. Esther Perel’s Work

    I’ve been a long-time follower of Esther Perel — therapist, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author — so I turned to her work almost immediately. Her book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity was a game-changer. She explores why people cheat and how, in some cases, an affair can be the beginning of a new marriage — with the same partner.

    She also hosts the podcast Where Should We Begin?, which features real couples in therapy sessions. Listening was eye-opening and validating. It helped me feel less alone, and more empowered by seeing how others faced (and worked through) similar situations.

    4. Being Present with My Son

    My son is the light of my life. But I promised to be honest here — and the truth is, I wasn’t a good mum in the first month after I found out. I was numb, disconnected. I cried — a lot — even in front of him. I didn’t want to parent. I was shutting down.

    Slowly, as I started to re-engage and be present with him, I felt pieces of myself come back. Focusing on the moment — not the pain of the past or fear of the future — helped me breathe again. It’s hard to stay stuck in the dark when a toddler is grabbing your hand and pulling you into joy, giggles, and mischief.

    5. Focusing on Me (For the First Time in a Long Time)

    It’s sad, but true — it took infidelity for me to realise I needed to put myself first sometimes. And that doing so actually makes me a better mum, a better partner, and a healthier version of myself.

    So what did I do? I started small. I set a boundary: Wednesday afternoons are mine. When my husband gets home, I clock off. I go to a Pilates class, I skip cooking dinner, and I take a break from the bedtime routine.

    It might not sound like much, but as someone who cooks most meals, works, and is the primary caregiver — that one evening of freedom changed everything. It gave me something to look forward to and reminded me that I matter too.

    I plan to explore all of these steps more deeply in future posts. But if you have questions or need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to comment, email, or message me on social media. I’m always open to chatting — and walking alongside others on this difficult, courageous journey.

    Let’s rise together,
    Sarah xx

  • My Story of Infidelity

    In late December 2024, my world changed. I found out my husband—my partner of 13 years—was having an affair, we had a 15 month old child at the time. What made it worse was that the other woman wasn’t a stranger. She was someone I knew from his gym, someone I’d met multiple times. She was also a mother. 

    I’d questioned their relationship throughout the year, but I never had solid proof. Every time I brought it up, he denied it. Deep down, I sensed something was off. I knew there was an inappropriate relationship, but I didn’t realise the extent of it—or how long it had been going on. When I finally discovered the full truth, I was shattered.

    They had started talking when I was pregnant. He would ask if she was single, and even though she knew he had a pregnant wife, she kept engaging. They slept together for the first time when my son was just six weeks old, and the affair continued for the entire first year of his life.

    I had always told myself that if my husband ever cheated, I would leave. And in that split-second after finding out, that was my instinct—to run. But the decision wasn’t so clear-cut. Seven months later, we’re still together and committed to making things work.

    That first week after finding out, I barely slept. My mind was in overdrive. I couldn’t understand how he could do this to me. Or how she—another mother—could knowingly be part of it. I began questioning everything: Was our whole relationship a lie?

    I went through his phone, his socials, his notes, his photos—everything. I wanted the whole truth, no matter how much it hurt. I don’t know if it was the “right” thing to do, but it felt necessary. I believed that in order to heal, I needed to know it all.

    From the moment I told him I knew, he said he would do anything to fix it. He apologised endlessly. He said he didn’t want me to leave—but he’d understand if I did. We both agreed to start couples counselling, and within two weeks we had our first session.

    I already knew I wanted to try. I wanted to make it work—not just for our son, but for us. I also knew we couldn’t do it alone. The truth is, our marriage had actually been getting better. By the time I found out, the affair had ended almost six months earlier. I’d felt the shift in our relationship—it had been improving. That was a sign to me that we had a real shot. Before she entered the picture, we were good. And after she was gone, we were better.

    Not long after uncovering everything, I decided to speak to the other woman face to face. I needed to know that her version lined up with his. I needed the full story. That first conversation felt surface-level. She didn’t seem genuinely sorry—it felt more like she was defending herself, maybe even playing the victim.

    But the second time we met, months later, was different. That conversation was truly healing. She was remorseful. She owned her part. She seemed to be doing the work to grow, to make sure she never did something like this again. For a moment, I could see her as another human being—flawed, but trying. Some days, I still want to scream at her. Some days, the anger boils over. But I remind myself: hating her won’t heal me. It only keeps me stuck. And I want to move forward.

    After couples counselling, the ball was in his court. I was honest about what I needed. I laid out what I expected in our relationship, in our life, in our healing. I told him: either you can show up for this, or I’m out. And he did. He kept showing up. For months, it felt like we were making real progress. But deep down, I also felt stuck. 

    I realised I was pretending to be okay, avoiding the depths of my pain. Then one night, everything caught up to me. I spiralled into a very dark place—and the next day, I reached out for help. That moment was the beginning of my journey back to myself.

    It felt so unfair. Something awful happened to me, and yet I was the one who had to pick up the pieces. But there’s something strangely freeing about realising no one else is coming to save you. You are the only one who can pull yourself out of the darkness. You are the only one who can reclaim your identity.

    Individual counselling has changed everything for me. It helped me start prioritising myself, set healthy boundaries, and take back control. I’m not perfect. I’m still working through so much—in my marriage, in life, in my messy mind. But I finally feel like I’m healing.

    I have a lot left to unpack and I also have a lot to share.
    If you’re here, I hope you’ll stick around. This space—Hope After Hurt—is for anyone who’s ever been broken by betrayal, but still believes in rising.

    Let’s rise together.
    Sarah xx